When it comes to dating I am analytical and impulsive, meaning that I tend to jump in and out of relationships quickly because I might like someone and then not see the interest or the response I want soon enough to stay. Which is probably why I struggle with slow, normal, “lets get to know each other, new person” dating.
The slow build-up to a new relationship can be like hiking in a fog. You know you are moving forward, but you don’t know if that means forward onto the peak or into an abyss. We usually don’t like not knowing where we are going so it is very tempting to stop dealing with the uncertainty and go back home.
But uncertainty can be a very good thing, should you be able to battle the impulse of thinking that it can lead to heartbreak and sorrow. Uncertainty means that you get to do something new during your days and hope for something more than what you are accustomed to. Not knowing if the other person likes you can mean that you will experience fear and hopelessness, but it can also give you hope and change for the better. You might fall into the abyss, but you might also get to that peak slowly and surely.
My rules these days are therefore to accept uncertainty when meeting someone new. I try not to take every nugget of behavior as an indicator of a greater, underlying personality flaw since that is unfair to both of us, but mostly I pay attention to how I’m feeling. Am I still smiling despite the uncertainty? Am I getting kindness? If yes, I keep going through that fog. If no, there is always the comfort of home that waits for me.